Jul 18 Written By Rachel Headings
I have gone through much of my life feeling like a victim to many things like my kid’s schedules/needs, family needs, work obligations, community commitments, the list goes on and on and on. My schedule and life was controlling me and I was not happy. I could feel the resentment building and it led to overwhelm and inability to stay calm. I felt like a volcano ready to explode at any given moment. At first I blamed my husband, because if he just did more I wouldn’t feel so overwhelmed. Then I blamed my job, because if I didn’t have to work so much I wouldn’t be so overwhelmed. Then I blamed my kids, because if they didn’t need me so much I could have more time to myself. Blame, blame, blame… and what did that get me, the same feelings of overwhelm and constant state of stress. Over the past year and a half, since COVID started, I committed to taking responsibility for how I was feeling and operating. It was up to me to change the way I was being, no one else could do it for me. The first step was COURAGE to break through the fear of not being able to do it. I still remember the feelings of fear inside- trembling stomach and chest, knot in my throat, tightness in my chest, when I jumped into uncertainty and started my journey into creating the life I so desired. If I didn’t face my fears- then where would I be 5 years from now? Still going to work, still a victim to my schedule, more needs going unmet, more resentment building up, more feelings of overwhelm and stress…. I didn’t have all the answers but I knew I had to try and do something to change how I was feeling inside. Once I committed there was no turning back. Things started falling into place and I quickly realized I took on even more and had to get even better at managing my time. Time- what a concept. Now my plate was overfull and I was stretched to the max- getting up at 5 a.m. working as hard as I could until I collapsed at 9 p.m. day in and day out. Doing at least 10 things at once to get everything done as fast as I could because at the end, when I finally reached the end of this… I will have my freedom. The piece I was missing was that I was doing to achieve from a place of lack- feeling not good enough- shame of not measuring up to my high expectations. Well, this didn’t turn out well. I was on the verge of burnout and quitting everything I had started. My mentor at the time called me out. She said “Are you a victim of time?” That concept was never on my radar. I didn’t realize there was another way of being that didn’t involve me taking more and more on and pushing my needs further down the list and being in a constant state of stress. What was I missing? She helped me understand that making a list of priorities and getting the top three done each day could help keep things organized and managed. Time blocking out the day so that each thing got done allowed me to be more present with each moment. Literally scheduling out each minute of the day. Each task on the list is scheduled in and then gets accomplished. Of course there could be unexpected but overall this strategy was life changing for helping me stay present and be more organized. I noticed things getting done with ease, more relaxed about the day and ability to flow more easily when unexpected things come up. It took me becoming aware that time is something I created, and the pressure to accomplish was something I was doing to fill a void inside of me. In my new way of being I work at surrendering expectations and instead step into the power of intention. What is my intention for the day, what are the top three things that need to get done, how do I want to show up in my life. When I focus on intention and release the how and expectation of the outcome, it is easier to remain open and be the observer of how things work out. Step into your power to create the life of your dreams. It starts with awareness, then choose the most important things and make an intention for the day, “May I be present, may I make vulnerable connections, may I be loving and kind, may I make choices that honor my health and happiness.” It is a process and at the end of the day no one can do it for us- it is our responsibility.
Comments